How To Cook A Possum

Folks are all over me since last weekends family reunion for my possum recipe. It's really not mine so don't tell anybody, but its my dear old grandmother's.  Frankie was here name and she could make a tractor tire taste good. But since she's gone to her maker, I'll be taking all the credit.

So here it is:

Take a nice size possum and make sure its dead. You know a possum is a great actor so beware. Next find a wooden board big enough to comfortably nail the "dead" possum. One need not bother to skin or dehair the crittter, but some cut the head off because they can't stand the stare.

After the animal is secured to the board salt and pepper to taste. Some like their possum a little on the hot side so a real nice sauce can made from a little Tabasco sauce, garlic and muskadine wine.

Place the possum into a pre heated oven of 350 degrees. Cook 5 minutes for every pound of meat. A good size possum weights in at about 3 pounds that would about fifteen minutes.

Remove the possum from the oven and give it two minutes to rest. Only two minutes. Then take the roasted possum and throw it away. Pour ketchup on the board and serve. 

Bardo Pines 

Today's Thought

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

VD is nothing to clap about...

Parachute Billie

How To Increase Your Salary by Fifty Thou

We got us some kind of humdinger for a mayor. We have been electing this guy to mayor for twenty years. A lot of his luck comes from the fact that we are stupid. Every election four or five of us think we can beat him which splits the vote and the mayor win by a landslide with maybe thirty percent of the vote. So the majority of us are dumb as dirt. His Honor knows this and laugh at our stupidly ever fours years. So I guess he fills pretty comfortable in his job. 

Yes, I would say he did. He fired the director of our fine, award winning library and replaced her with one of his bodyguards. How would like to wake one morning with fifty thousand dollar pay raise. That's what happen to the lucky chap. Trouble with this bodyguard no library experience. The fellow had to be shown where it was.

Two other body guards were give new titles and fifty thousand bucks pay raises also. D'mayor was spreading the wealth.

With all of this in mind, I have decided to apply for job of mayoral bodyguard. I don't have any experience but it doesn't seemed to matter. I'm easily corrupted, like to wear sunglasses and look like I could bit your neck off. With last one I might need to get some pointer so I'm going over to the library and check out the new director.

That's the way I see it,

Brando Pines 

How To Win A Sword Fight

As some of you may have noticed there's a new name at the bottom of the page. Also that span of time when you had to look at DWISI reruns that probably bothered you. Well, readers we're going to come clean. We ain't gonna be the run-a-round department. We aren't going to hide a thing. It's like this: Reverend Rub has suddenly left to do missionary work, and it may be by coincidences that several shady individuals appeared asking questions about a business transaction with the pastor. So those of us who know him wish him luck and a fast horse.

And it seems, since we ain't much of a moneymaker the news of all that dead air finally trickled down to Our Founder, who was none too happy to hear about snafu. Well, folks, after a gentlemen's agreement, he has asked me to take over DWISI until a suitable candidate for this job could be found.

Me and Founder go way back, we went to the same two room school, I use to take his ham biscuit and sweet milk. He got even with me when he told Betsy Thompson I played with myself. Guess she liked the idea she's my wife.

I ain't never blogged before, but they tell me it's easy. Just write about stuff. And when I found out the name of this darn blog thing I knew I'd found a home. "I tell everything the way I see it." And pretty much know everything there is to know. I like to read.

Like one of the letters, I found on the Reverend's desk. One of you wanted to know how to win a sword fight. Well, friend you come to the right place. My daddy used to be a professional sword fighter. We would roam the country side sword fighting everywhere we went. You had a sword fight  and couldn't make it call my old man.I can't count the times we woke up dueling at dawn. Well when I got old enough he showed me how to handle a sword. And we became a team. Some kid gets tired of losing his lunch money to some bully they'd call me. Finally I got tired of traveling and watching opponents fall on their swords laughing at my eighty year old man yell, "On guard, you bloody fool. So, I'm a little rusty, ain't held one in years, but I think it goes something like this.

Say you come upon a fellow who wants to sword fight. First thing you want to do keep the sword in front of you at all times. Never, never think you're Errol Flynn. Hold the tip straight, and if you're just getting the hang of it, maybe you should hold the blade with two hands. This way you will be able to move in any direction. Imagine yourself in front of a doorway. You need to be able to hit either side of the doorframe. If this confuses you ask you opponent to step inside a doorway. Practice that a while if he is willing.

Next, one must learn to feint. Say somebody sneaks up on you. If you're smart when they cast a touche at you  step forward to engage the invader. This makes his blow less powerful. If a slashing blow should be aimed at your head keep your sword level to the ground and using the middle of your blade make a cross with his sword Try not to think about the significance of it.

If you can do this you and are quick enough he has left himself open to slashing assault to the abdomen and certain death. If he should block the blow you now must continue the offensive, show em what you got. Aggressively, you wave your weapon in small crisscrossing circles back and forth and laugh haughtily.

One must never use a stabbing motion. You are dueling , man show poise at all times. Your opponent will admire your graceful moves and become hypnotized. Also you will find yourself on your ass and in a world of despair.

Always remember, one never raise the blade above parallel unless to defend a blow from above. And always a toothy smile. The first one to smile gets a point.

Remember kicking and gouching are okay therefore always wears a cup.

Continue on until your enemy makes a boo boo or you do. Or you both run out of breath. 

There is always another dawn. 

But the best way to win a sword fight bring a gun.

And that the way I see it,

Brando Pines