America's Got Talent

Last night's winner of America's Got Talent was an unemployed chicken catcher. Now Kevin Skinner is a headliner in Las Vegas with a $10000.00 pay check in his old lady's hand. Kevin beat out a very talented opera singer who battled cancer and won. Did America have a dilemma wondering if an employed chicken chaser from Kentucky or cancer survivor should realize their dream?

But before we answer that question I have one I'd like to ask. What the hell is a chicken catcher? I know what you're going to say: a chicken catcher catches chickens. But there's got to be more to it than that. I'm thinking first of all chicken catcher must be quick, speed doesn't  count, and agile. Remember you average chicken has a small brain and it doesn't even know where it's going so anticipation is a good quality to have in a chicken catcher. And a sharp eye to watch Mr. Rooster who is not to happy with an intruder in his harem.

Some of you may not know that chicken catches is an ancient art. Even Jesus was a chicken catcher at one time. But he gave it up like most chicken catcher do. It's a grueling job with a lot of bruises and cuts not to mention the stress on a chicken. Did you ever try to herd a bunch of chickens. Chicken don't herd they scatter.

Chicken catcher catch over eight billion chicken a year but the toll on the body is tremendous and most catchers have short career.

But alas the human chicken catcher may be headed for extinction. 

For years, engineers have labored to find an answer to the question of how best to catch chickens. And after a period of intense research and development, it seems that the industry has finally come up with a better mouse trap.

They called it the PH2000. This state-of-the-art mechanical chicken harvester can capture 150 birds per minute, besting the work of eight skilled human chicken catchers. The PH2000 is a nine-ton contraption that looks like an airport baggage carousel and an army tank,. It employs a mechanical ramp, conveyor belt, chute and set of cages to capture chickens painlessly, without the panic that comes from being grabbed by a big bad chicken catcher.

Poultry farmers love it, and even animal-rights groups dig it since the machine is so kind to the birds. The only problem is this puppy cost a cool $200,000.

It was a good career change for Kevin.

Good luck to you Kevin,

Brando Pines